he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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