My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
