This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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