dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
