I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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