no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
