final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
BRING THE BAGELS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
