i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
