note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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