Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
