so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
