How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
