great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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