Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
