Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
