dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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