Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
