Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
