Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
