I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
