Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
