Say something about gay babies.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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