Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
