Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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