Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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