I bet he comes in French.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
