i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
