just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
