No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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