morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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