Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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