What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
