Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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