shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
