areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
