none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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