We're like a lot better than the average bears
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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