So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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