i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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