Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
