you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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