we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
