dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She announced her abortion via fbk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
