I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
