Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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