"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i think my cat just said my name.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
