i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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