it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We got so high we made milksteak
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
