if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
