I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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